You think you are better than me?

I’ll have you know every time I come across a penny, I stick it up my ass. And the fun doesn’t stop there, then I spend it. Every day for the past eleven years I’ve stuck $30 dollars in pennies up my ass (one at a time, of course). I use them for everything: cab rides, movie theater, groceries. That’s a lot of ass pennies I’ve got out there my friend; and whenever I meet a piece of shit like you, I just think to myself you’ve probably handled one of my ass pennies. In fact you probably have one in their pocket right now.

And you think you’re better than me? I’ve been sticking $30 dollars in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years! That’s 3,000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that’s 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska. Your pennies have been in my ass! You think you’re better than me? Oh, you’re not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with.

You aren’t better than me, you are a disgusting faggot who routinely touches things that have been up my ass.