I could have been born at any time in history…

And boy, am I ever glad I was born in the time in history where I can smoke some god damn meth. Fuckin meth. America’s favorite past time. Meth and the U.S. of fuckin A, man. Basically can’t have one without the other. So could you imagine being born before America was around to start banging out that shit? Like you wouldn’t even have to be a caveman being like “Oh man. I wish I could smoke some meth. Too bad I can’t cause we as a cavesociety haven’t invented fire or meth yet.” (People were a lot more ignorant then then so he probably was pretty against booty bumping that shit if they even had meth.) You could have been one of the early adapters of America and still would have been fucked.

I’m assuming Christopher Columbus and company didn’t just land on American soil and be like “Alright guys let’s kill Indians and make some meth,” cause like meth wouldn’t have been invented yet. Yep, before America became the America we know today we’d all be like “Oh look at me, I’m a citizen of this new found continent. Fuck the British, let’s get our hands on some slaves. Only we won’t have them making and distributing meth, we’ll have them pick cotton instead cause I dunno I guess that’s useful somehow.” Honestly, doesn’t really sound all that fun to me tbh.

No it wasn’t until the year 1973 when meth was first invented by its namesake, a one Dr. Chris Still-Meth. Then is when the amazing America we all know and love truly began, and God dammit am I ever glad to be here (well I’m a little north 🇨🇦, but still technically part of North America). I would not have wanted to live in a world where meth doesn’t exist yet. It would suck. All prior inventions paled in comparison. It’s like “Ok cool invention Thomas Edison, but how does it make porn and jerking off better? Get out of here with your stupid light bulb that’s gonna be sweet for smoking meth in when somebody finally invents that, you fuckin dirty animal!” Yeah not for me.

And sure, maybe it would be sweet to have been born in the future. Maybe there will be drugs better than meth. Unlikely but who knows. I’ll get to miss out on cool things, like bikini flying car washes, or the first, like, actually black president, or see when we first colonize the sun after we all fuck up mars too. But that doesn’t matter. Meth is all I need, all I want. I will love it until the day I die. God bless you guys, God bless America, and God dammit, God bless motherfucking meth.